


"If" is the most powerful word in the English language.

by orphan_account



Series: Violet Hues [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-03
Updated: 2012-09-03
Packaged: 2017-11-13 10:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tegan stays with Nyssa on Terminus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"If" is the most powerful word in the English language.

“If you stay, I'm staying, too.” The words were out of Tegan's mouth before she could stop herself. The Doctor and Nyssa both looked at her, confused.

“You want to leave the TARDIS?” The Doctor's brow furrowed, and Tegan couldn't quite bring herself to look at either of them. She had not expected Nyssa to leave, and this was so sudden. But now that she was faced with the prospect of never seeing the other woman again, she wanted to stay with every fiber of her being.

“I can help. They could use me!” Tegan said, flustered. She couldn't exactly say “the idea of never seeing Nyssa again is something I never, ever want to think about.”

“What about Earth? Your family?” Nyssa asked, and Tegan met her gaze, steeling herself. She was _not_ going to give away much emotion. At least, not in front of the Doctor. 

“I want to stay,” Tegan repeated, and would not elaborate. Nyssa gave her a puzzled look, but she did not press for now. The two of them said their goodbyes, Nyssa doing most of the talking. Tegan felt rather quiet as she hugged the Doctor, and wondered if she was making the right choice.

If. It was always about “if.” 

If her tire hadn't gone flat, the Master would have never killed her aunt. If the Master had never killed her aunt, she would have never met the Doctor, and by proxy, Nyssa. And if she hadn't met Nyssa, she would never be having to make this choice, never staying on a quarantine ship solely because of one woman. 

Tegan didn't like to think about whether it was all worth it. It was an uncomfortable idea to hold in her mind. Her aunt had died, and she still mourned her. But she wondered if, given the chance, she would rewrite time to change the tire before she started driving, save her aunt, and therefore never meet Nyssa. She had proved today that she would never give up Nyssa for anything, but thoughts of other timelines still nagged at her. 

“Are you all right?” Nyssa's voice broke her out of her reverie, and she realized they were alone. The Doctor had gone back to his TARDIS, and Tegan assumed Turlough had gone with him. That also made her conscience twinge – there was something odd about Turlough, and she did not trust him. She hoped the Doctor would be all right.

“...yes. I'm all right.” Tegan waved a hand after a moment, finally turning to look at Nyssa. Their eyes met, and she was immediately glad she had decided to stay. 

“You gave up your home to stay here,” Nyssa said quietly, and Tegan kept her face relatively emotionless.

“I wanted to stay with you. It's better to have a...friend,” Tegan said, the words feeling awkward in her mouth. Nyssa nodded, and gave Tegan a small smile. 

“Well, if you're sure.” 

“Sure as anything.” 

 

Tegan found that she was not that great at medical things, but she could do other things to help. Nyssa was teaching her a fair bit of science, and she functioned as Nyssa's assistant now. Normally, she didn't like someone bossing her around, but it was hardly like that. She was staying and helping Nyssa, and that was what she had said she would do. So it was all right. 

It had been Nyssa's decision to room together, and Tegan was glad for it. It was lonely in this ship when Nyssa was not around, and Tegan would not want to sleep in this place alone. It was almost like having a roommate at college, and she could tell that Nyssa enjoyed it too. Tegan never said a word about why exactly she had stayed, and what feelings had caused her to do so. It would be awkward with a human, and she imagined it would also be awkward with a Trakenite. For now, it was enough to be near Nyssa, and to have her still be a major part of her life. She missed the space travel, as well as the Doctor, but when she looked at Nyssa's face, this, at least, was worth it. 

“We're doing good here,” Nyssa said one day. “I am glad I stayed.” Tegan smiled at her, and nodded. 

“I am, too. It's good to be with you.” Tegan took a tiny risk by saying that, rather than saying she was here for the good of Terminus. Nyssa looked down a little and blushed. She then came across the room to sit next to Tegan on her bed, at a close, but polite distance. 

“You stayed here, on a quarantine ship, for  _me_ .” Nyssa laughed softly. “I must admit, I was not expecting that.” Tegan wasn't sure whether that was a good sign or a bad sign. If anything, Nyssa probably had no idea how Tegan felt about her. 

“I wasn't expecting it either. But it seemed like the right thing to do,” Tegan said, hoping her voice didn't sound too stilted. She felt Nyssa's eyes on her, and looked up. It occurred to Tegan how very easy it would be to kiss her right then and there. 

“I'm glad to have you around, in any case. Less lonely.” Nyssa put her hand on Tegan's shoulder and gave her a squeeze, and it was all Tegan could do not to make a strangled sound and blush. They hadn't touched much since coming here, only hugging occasionally, or brushing past each other in the halls. She kept her gaze on Nyssa, and after a moment, she reached up her hand to cover Nyssa's. 

“Thanks,” Tegan managed, hating that she couldn't think of anything else to say. She looked at Nyssa, her expression becoming a little distressed.

“Are you all right - ?” Nyssa began.

“Oh, rabbits - “ Tegan said at the same time. 

Without letting herself think it over anymore, she leaned over and kissed Nyssa, curling her hand a bit more tightly around Nyssa's. It was brief, and a bit clumsy, and Tegan was left shaking, but she didn't regret it. Nyssa made a small, surprised sound, but Tegan wasn't looking at her. Instead, she was pushing herself up and away from the bed, aiming to get the hell out of there. 

“Tegan, wait!” Nyssa quickly followed after her and took Tegan's hand, stopping her before she went out the door. 

“That was probably  _really_ rude, don't pay any mind to it,” Tegan mumbled. “I don't even know if that's part of Trakenite custom, or if that's some sort of swear word gesture, or if you're even bloody interested - “

Tegan was silenced when Nyssa pulled her close into a kiss, still not finished with a ranting tangent when Nyssa's lips met hers. The kiss lingered this time, and Tegan felt Nyssa curl her hand around Tegan's, giving it a squeeze. When the kiss broke, it was Nyssa's doing, and she gave Tegan a little smile. 

“The gesture is the same on Traken,” she said softly, and curled around Tegan in a hug. Tegan found that she had no idea what to say. After a moment, Nyssa spoke again, stifling a laugh.

“I've silenced the Mouth on Legs. Goodness.” Nyssa couldn't hold back her giggle any longer, and she swayed Tegan a bit. Tegan felt the other woman's smile against her shoulder, and reached a hand up to curl in her hair. 

“Don't worry, I'll be back to my obnoxious self soon enough.”

“Good. I like you that way.” 


End file.
